Teach17

Schools are complex workplaces. Teachers work alongside colleagues with different personalities, priorities, communication styles, ambitions and views about education. Even in a supportive school, there can be disagreements, changing expectations, difficult meetings, staffroom politics and decisions that feel unfair.

In The Let Them Theory, Mel Robbins argues that people often waste energy trying to control how others think, behave or respond. The central idea is to recognise what is outside your control and then focus on the choices that remain available to you.

For teachers, this should not mean accepting poor treatment or remaining silent when something matters. It is better understood as a way of separating other people’s behaviour from your own professional response.

1. Accept that colleagues will teach differently

Teachers develop different approaches according to their subject, experience, personality and classes. One colleague may favour detailed PowerPoints, another may rely on modelling and questioning, while someone else may prefer discussion or practical work.

Professional consistency matters, but it does not require every lesson to look the same.

Focus on whether pupils are learning, curriculum expectations are being met and agreed departmental standards are being followed. Differences in teaching style do not always need to become disagreements.

When sharing resources, make it clear that colleagues are free to adapt them for their classes.

2. Allow professional disagreement

Not every suggestion will receive immediate support. Colleagues may question a new assessment, intervention, policy or change to the curriculum.

Disagreement does not necessarily mean that an idea has been dismissed or that your professional judgement is not respected. It may reveal practical concerns that need to be considered.

Present your reasoning clearly, listen carefully and decide whether the proposal should be revised, trialled or postponed.

A small pilot can sometimes achieve more than attempting to win a long debate.

3. Respect a colleague’s right to say no

A colleague may decline to help with a trip, run a club, swap a duty or join a new initiative.

Their refusal may reflect workload, family responsibilities or other commitments rather than a lack of goodwill.

Accepting a reasonable no contributes to a healthier workplace culture. It also makes it easier for everyone to be honest about their own capacity.

A straightforward response such as “No problem, I thought I would ask” is often enough.

4. Respond constructively when others receive recognition

Another teacher may be praised, selected for training or appointed to a role you wanted.

It is reasonable to feel disappointed, but comparison can become unhelpful when another person’s success is treated as evidence of your own failure.

Use the situation to reflect on your next step. Consider what experience supported their application, what you might develop and which opportunities you should request.

Recognition is not always distributed evenly, but professional progress becomes more likely when aspirations are communicated clearly.

5. Build a small number of trusted relationships

Most schools have established friendship groups. Some colleagues have worked together for years or socialise outside school.

Trying to feel included in every group can lead to unnecessary overthinking. It is usually more valuable to build a small number of genuine and dependable relationships.

Professional trust often develops gradually through shared work, practical support and honest conversations.

A few supportive colleagues can make a significant difference to day-to-day working life.

6. Avoid becoming part of staffroom gossip

Schools generate rumours quickly. Staffing decisions, promotions, timetable changes and pupil incidents can all become subjects of speculation.

You may not be able to stop other people from discussing them, but you can choose not to pass on information that is private, unfair or unverified.

Useful responses include:

“I do not know enough about that.”

“There may be more to the situation.”

“It would be better to ask them directly.”

Avoiding gossip protects professional relationships and reduces the risk of creating further conflict.

7. Clarify misunderstandings without overexplaining

A rushed conversation or poorly worded email can create the wrong impression.

Where the misunderstanding matters, correct it clearly and factually. However, repeated attempts to manage every possible interpretation can make a minor issue feel more significant than it is.

A short clarification is usually enough:

“I realise my earlier message may not have been clear. What I meant was…”

After that, allow your actions and future communication to provide the remaining evidence.

8. Do not overinterpret every difficult interaction

A normally supportive colleague may occasionally be abrupt, distracted or less sociable than usual.

Teachers often work while managing demanding classes, family pressures, health concerns and heavy workloads. One difficult exchange may have very little to do with you.

Avoid drawing large conclusions from a single interaction. Check in if appropriate and then give the person space.

Repeated disrespect is different and should be addressed, but not every short reply is evidence of a damaged relationship.

9. Work effectively with different management styles

Line managers vary considerably. Some communicate frequently, while others expect staff to work independently. Some plan well ahead, while others work closer to deadlines.

You may not be able to change their working style, but you can ask for the information and clarity needed to complete your role.

After a meeting, it can be helpful to confirm the agreed actions and deadlines in writing.

For example:

“Just to confirm, I will complete the data by Friday, and the final group lists will be shared by Wednesday.”

Clear communication reduces uncertainty and avoids later disagreement.

10. Separate genuine concerns from predicted problems

Schools frequently introduce new systems, policies, timetables and leadership structures.

Teachers may begin worrying about every possible consequence before the change has taken effect. Some concerns will be justified, but others may be based on assumptions rather than evidence.

It can help to separate the situation into three questions:

• What has already been decided?
• What can still be influenced?
• What action is needed now?

This makes it easier to raise practical concerns without becoming overwhelmed by every possible outcome.

11. Choose carefully when to challenge in meetings

Teachers often identify flaws in plans quickly. However, challenging every comment or correcting every weak suggestion can make meetings exhausting and reduce the impact of your contribution.

Before speaking, consider whether the issue affects pupils, safety, workload or professional standards.

Also consider whether you have useful evidence and whether the meeting is the right place to raise it.

Choosing your interventions carefully does not mean staying silent. It means using your influence where it is most likely to matter.

12. Plan realistically when colleagues miss deadlines

If a colleague repeatedly promises to send a resource, complete a task or organise something and then fails to do so, frustration alone is unlikely to change the pattern.

Avoid making personal judgements, but plan according to the evidence available.

Set deadlines in writing, agree an earlier check-in and keep your own copy of anything essential.

Professional trust can remain respectful while also being realistic.

13. Set clear boundaries around email

A colleague may send messages late at night, at weekends or during school holidays. That does not automatically require an immediate response.

Different people have different working patterns. Their decision to send an email at a particular time does not need to determine when you read or answer it.

Turn off notifications, check messages at planned times and use scheduled sending when writing outside normal working hours.

An email arriving is not the same as an urgent situation.

14. Be honest about your capacity

Reliable teachers are often given additional work because leaders know they are likely to complete it.

Constantly agreeing can eventually lead to overload, resentment and lower-quality work.

A professional boundary should explain what is possible rather than simply expressing frustration.

For example:

“I cannot lead the whole project, but I could support the first meeting.”

Or:

“I can complete this by Wednesday. If it is needed sooner, which of my current priorities should be delayed?”

This makes workload visible and places decisions about priorities where they belong.

15. Treat feedback as information, not a final judgement

Lesson observations, appraisals and informal feedback can feel personal because teaching is closely connected to professional identity.

Some feedback will be useful. Some may be vague, inconsistent or shaped by personal preference.

Ask for specific examples and practical next steps.

Useful questions include:

“Could you give me an example of what you noticed?”

“What one change would have the greatest impact?”

“How would you expect that to look in practice?”

Take forward the parts supported by evidence and question comments that remain unclear.

16. Recognise patterns rather than isolated incidents

A single missed deadline or difficult conversation may be an ordinary mistake. Repeated behaviour deserves closer attention.

If a colleague regularly leaves you to complete shared work, ignores agreed actions or communicates disrespectfully, the pattern provides useful information.

Keep factual records of what was agreed, what happened and what impact it had.

Avoid emotional labels. Clear records are more helpful if the matter later needs to be discussed formally.

17. Do not confuse acceptance with tolerance

The ideas in The Let Them Theory should never be used to justify accepting bullying, discrimination, unsafe practice or unreasonable treatment.

Recognising that you cannot control another person’s behaviour does not remove your right to respond.

Serious concerns may require you to:

• set a clear boundary
• keep dated records
• save relevant emails
• seek union advice
• speak to a line manager or senior leader
• contact HR
• raise a safeguarding concern
• use the school’s formal procedures