Teaching can be emotionally difficult in ways that are not always visible. A brief email can occupy your thoughts for an entire evening. One critical comment can outweigh several successful lessons. A difficult meeting can be replayed repeatedly long after everyone else has moved on.

In Stop Letting Everything Affect You, Daniel Chidiac explores overthinking, emotional reactivity, boundaries, guilt, self-sabotage and the difficulty of separating yourself from other people’s behaviour.

For teachers, the title should not be interpreted as an instruction to become cold, indifferent or unaffected by serious problems. Caring deeply is an important part of teaching. The challenge is learning to distinguish between something that requires action and something that is simply consuming more emotional energy than it deserves.

These ideas can help teachers respond more deliberately to the pressures of school life.

1. Create a pause before responding

An unexpected email, difficult comment or sudden request can produce an immediate emotional reaction. Responding in that moment may lead to a message that is longer, sharper or more defensive than necessary.

The first response does not have to become the final response.

Write a draft, but do not send it immediately. Step away from the screen, teach your next lesson or speak to somebody you trust. When you return, remove anything written mainly to express anger rather than resolve the issue.

Where tone is difficult to judge, a short conversation may be more effective than a long email exchange.

A useful question is:

“What response will help this situation tomorrow?”

The aim is not to suppress emotion. It is to avoid allowing a temporary feeling to make a permanent professional decision.

2. Separate what happened from what you think it means

Teachers often have to interpret incomplete information.

A colleague does not reply to your message. A senior leader walks past without speaking. You are not included in a meeting. A request is returned with several corrections.

The event may be real, but the meaning you attach to it may not be.

Try separating the two:

What happened: My email has not received a reply.

My interpretation: My line manager is ignoring me because they do not value my work.

There may be many other explanations. The message may have been missed, the person may be busy or they may be waiting for further information.

When the issue matters, ask a clear question rather than continuing to develop an untested explanation.

3. Do not allow one incident to take over the day

A difficult interaction during morning briefing can affect your mood through several lessons. By the end of the day, one uncomfortable moment may have overshadowed everything that went well.

This does not mean pretending that the incident did not matter. It means giving it a proportionate amount of space.

Ask yourself:

• Does this need action?
• Does it need clarification?
• Does it need recording?
• Does it simply need to be released?

Once you have identified the next step, return your attention to the work in front of you.

One disagreement should not automatically be given ownership of the whole day.

4. Recognise when reflection has become rumination

Reflection can improve professional practice. Rumination keeps you circling the same event without reaching a decision.

You may replay what was said in a meeting, rewrite a response in your head or imagine several conversations that have not happened.

A useful distinction is whether the thinking is producing anything new.

If you have examined the situation several times and reached the same conclusion, more thinking may not solve it.

Write down:

1. What happened?
2. What remains within my control?
3. What is the next practical step?
4. When will I take it?

If there is no action to take, deliberately move your attention elsewhere. Continuing to rehearse the problem does not necessarily make you better prepared.

5. Clarify rather than trying to read tone

Emails are particularly easy to misinterpret. A brief message may seem impatient, dismissive or critical when the sender was simply working quickly.

Teachers are also surrounded by hurried communication. Conversations happen in corridors, between lessons and while several other problems are being managed.

Before reacting to an assumed tone, clarify the actual request.

For example:

“Could I check what you would like me to change?”

“Is Friday the final deadline?”

“Would it be easier to discuss this briefly in person?”

This is often more productive than analysing the punctuation, length or wording of a message.

6. Do not automatically accept somebody else’s urgency

Schools contain frequent last-minute requests. A task may be presented as urgent because somebody else forgot it, delayed it or has only just noticed it.

Their urgency may become your responsibility, but it should not do so automatically.

Ask:

• When is this genuinely needed?
• What will happen if it is completed later?
• Which current task should take lower priority?
• Does this need to be done by me?
• What would a sufficient version look like?

This shifts the discussion from emotional pressure to practical prioritisation.

A calm response might be:

“I can complete this today, but I would need to delay the assessment analysis. Which should take priority?”

You are not refusing to help. You are making the cost of the request visible.

7. Reduce constant access to your attention

Work messages can follow teachers throughout the evening. Even when an email does not require a reply, seeing it can restart thoughts about school.

Consider setting specific times for checking messages rather than remaining continuously available.

You could:

• turn off work notifications
• remove email from your home screen
• avoid checking messages immediately before bed
• use scheduled sending
• close unnecessary staff messaging groups
• keep work communication on work devices where possible

These boundaries may feel uncomfortable at first, particularly in a culture where quick replies are praised.

However, being permanently contactable does not necessarily make somebody a better or more committed teacher.

8. Set boundaries without producing a lengthy defence

Teachers sometimes weaken a reasonable boundary by overexplaining it.

A simple inability to take on additional work becomes a long account of every existing commitment. This can make the boundary sound negotiable.

A professional explanation can be brief:

“I do not have the capacity to lead this at present.”

“I can help with the planning, but I cannot attend the event.”

“I will not be able to complete that before Wednesday.”

“I am not available during that time.”

You do not need to prove that you are sufficiently busy, tired or deserving of personal time.

A respectful boundary is not an act of aggression. It is accurate information about your availability.

9. Examine guilt before acting on it

Feeling guilty does not always mean you have done something wrong.

You may feel guilty for declining a trip, leaving work on time, not responding to an evening message or refusing an additional responsibility.

Before changing your decision, ask:

“Have I failed to meet a genuine responsibility, or am I simply uncomfortable because somebody may be disappointed?”

Real responsibility may require an apology or corrective action. Discomfort does not always require either.

Teachers who are reliable and conscientious can be particularly vulnerable to guilt-based requests because others know they are likely to help.

Pause before allowing guilt to make decisions about your workload.

10. Avoid absorbing the mood of the staffroom

Emotions can spread quickly through a department. One person’s frustration about a policy, class or colleague can become the main topic of conversation.

Sharing concerns with trusted colleagues can be helpful. However, repeatedly participating in negative conversations can leave you carrying problems that were not originally yours.

Notice how you feel after particular conversations. Do you feel supported and clearer, or more agitated and powerless?

It may be necessary to reduce the time spent in discussions that repeatedly revisit the same complaint without moving towards action.

You can acknowledge a colleague’s frustration without adopting it as your own.

11. Treat feedback as information rather than a verdict

A critical observation comment or appraisal discussion can feel like a judgement of your entire professional ability.

Feedback is usually more manageable when it is broken into specific claims.

Ask:

• What exactly was observed?
• Is there evidence for the conclusion?
• Is this an isolated example or a repeated pattern?
• What change is being requested?
• Would that change improve learning?
• What support is available?

One area for development does not erase years of experience or everything that works well in your classroom.

Equally, protecting yourself emotionally should not involve rejecting useful feedback. The aim is to examine it proportionately rather than treating it as either complete truth or a personal attack.

12. Respond to mistakes without prolonged self-punishment

Teachers make decisions continuously. Inevitably, some lessons will not work, instructions will be unclear and messages will be poorly worded.

A mistake should lead to learning, repair and, where necessary, an apology. It should not require days of internal punishment.

Use a simple professional review:

1. What went wrong?
2. What was my responsibility?
3. What can be repaired?
4. What will I do differently next time?
5. What have I learned?

Once those questions have been answered, continuing to criticise yourself adds little.

Holding yourself accountable and treating yourself fairly are not opposites.

13. Reduce perfectionism in work that only needs to be effective

Teaching offers endless opportunities to improve something.

A PowerPoint could be redesigned, a worksheet reformatted, an email rewritten or a lesson adapted once more. There is always another resource that could be created.

High standards are valuable, but perfectionism can direct large amounts of time towards changes that make little difference.

Before continuing, ask:

• What is the purpose of this task?
• What standard does it genuinely require?
• Will another 30 minutes noticeably improve the outcome?
• Could an existing resource be adapted?
• Is this good enough to achieve its purpose?

Some work requires great accuracy. Safeguarding records, examination information and formal reports must be completed carefully.

Other tasks need to be clear, useful and finished—not perfect.

14. Close unfinished mental loops before leaving school

Unfinished tasks often return to mind during the evening because your brain is trying not to forget them.

Before leaving, spend a few minutes recording what remains outstanding.

Do not write only “sort Year 10”. Identify the next visible action:

• print the Year 10 assessment
• email the technician about equipment
• enter marks for questions 1–4
• speak to the SENCO about one pupil
• find the practical instructions

A clear next action makes the task feel more contained.

You are not trying to complete everything before going home. You are giving yourself enough information to restart efficiently tomorrow.

15. Create a deliberate transition out of teacher mode

Teachers can leave the building while remaining mentally at school.

A transition routine can help create a boundary between work and home. It does not need to be complicated.

You might:

• walk for ten minutes before travelling home
• listen to a particular podcast
• change clothes soon after arriving
• avoid discussing school during the first part of the evening
• exercise
• prepare the next morning’s essentials and then put work away
• write down anything you are worried about before leaving

The purpose is to signal that the working day has ended.

This will not eliminate every thought about school, but it can prevent work from flowing into the evening without any boundary at all.

16. Turn repeated emotional triggers into decisions

If the same situation affects you repeatedly, the answer may not be to keep trying to react differently.

A colleague may continue to miss deadlines. A role may remain unclear. A workload problem may recur every week. A particular meeting may repeatedly leave staff confused or distressed.

At this point, the emotional reaction is providing information about a practical problem.

Possible actions include:

• requesting clarification
• agreeing responsibilities in writing
• changing a process
• setting a boundary
• keeping factual records
• requesting a workload discussion
• speaking to a union representative
• raising the matter formally

Emotional regulation is valuable, but it should not become an endless exercise in tolerating a problem that could be addressed.

17. Do not use emotional detachment to excuse harmful behaviour

There is an important limit to the idea of not letting everything affect you.

Teachers should not be expected to become unaffected by bullying, discrimination, humiliation, unsafe practice, harassment or unreasonable working conditions.

These situations may produce a strong emotional response because something is genuinely wrong.

The appropriate response may involve:

• recording what happened
• saving relevant communication
• seeking confidential advice
• speaking to a line manager
• contacting HR
• consulting a union representative
• raising a formal grievance
• reporting a safeguarding concern

Remaining calm can help you respond effectively, but calmness should not be confused with silence.

No personal mindset can compensate indefinitely for a damaging workplace culture.

Applying the Book’s Ideas Professionally

The most useful interpretation of Stop Letting Everything Affect You is not that teachers should care less.

It is that teachers should become more selective about where they place their emotional energy.

Some situations require action. Some require clarification. Some require a boundary. Some require support. Others require a decision to stop replaying an event that can no longer be changed.

You cannot prevent every difficult comment, unexpected request, unsuccessful lesson or poorly worded email.

You can create a pause before responding. You can question your first interpretation. You can protect your attention, set clearer boundaries and recognise when reflection has stopped being useful.

Perhaps the most professional version of the book’s message is this:

Do not ignore what matters. Learn to recognise what deserves action, what deserves perspective and what no longer deserves space in your mind.